MMO Dads

There have been a fair few changes to LOTRO in recent weeks and months. As well as new content, cosmetics packs and festival rewards, work has continued on systems. The LOTRO classes are undergoing changes and the biggest of these relates to the Lore-master redesign. Which, it basically is.

As people chatted the Lore-master (LM) changes were discussed. They’ve divided opinion – change always does. I hate change, some thrive on it and others just roll with it. Change very rarely happens without a reaction. It was here that the term MMO Dads came up.

The argument was that those resisting change – or more vocal about it – were those “MMO Dads” who, effectively, clung to how they’ve always done things.

I’ll mention, but pass over the fact that “MMO Mums” (or Moms for you Americans) weren’t referred to, even though I am a father but mostly play female characters.

Elitism is not exactly a new trait in humans. In its original positive sense, the elites were the best – warriors, hunters, leaders etc. Later the term evolved to include the richest or those holding positions of influence. The “upper echelons”. A term that used to be a badge of pride though became a dividing factor like the “Haves and Have-nots”, or worse – believing one race is the elite one.

Bi-directional Elitism

Because they’re young, young people have often looked down on older people, and because they have experience and knowledge, older people have looked down on younger people.

Where my wife was born there’s an “underdog superiority complex” – a psychology that by being “downtrodden” you’re actually better or superior to those who live away from “real people” and “real jobs” (meaning manual or physical ones). People in investment banking, or government advisory roles, may see manual labour as a lesser thing.

Elitism In Gaming Is Not New, Either

So, clearly being an MMO Dad isn’t a compliment. And as such, it has to be from someone who isn’t a parent. Not many openly criticise themselves, though I am one of them. Using the term says that non-MMO Dads are better than gaming fathers because they’re open to change, regardless of how that impacts others.

Don't just show-off in your MMOs, use your knowledge to help others.

It almost felt like the Dark Ages of l33ts and n00bs. And if you still use those terms, either go back to your cave and stay there, or come out of the cave and talk like a real person. Heck, talk like a fictional one.

Shockingly, there is a time in everyone’s life when they’re not a gamer or a parent! I admit, that to today’s gamers, streamers and e-sports professionals, I’m old.

I’m not really (I’m in the middle), but I will say that having had some level of non-normal pain, coupled with depression for thirty years makes you feel old.

Thanks for that Fibromyalgia.

JKII to SWTOR

I started my online gaming journey with Jedi Knight II (Jedi Outcast).

The core game was solo, but there was an online multi-player which allowed you to socialise with others and duel them. I found a great guild (if that’s what they were called), that helped me to fight better.

After a long break, where I did game but mostly offline, a friend introduced me to Star Wars: the Old Republic. That was my first MMO and I still wasn’t a father. It took wifey and I ages to become parents, not all of it out of choice.

My Main Twi'lek Character in SWTOR

SWTOR to LOTRO

It was only about a year before NJ’s birth that I started playing LOTRO.

Yep, if not for a love of Star Wars, I wouldn’t have become a LOTRO MMO player. Between the start and the end, life isn’t linear!

So, I’ve been gaming more years than I’ve been a father. That’s not a statement of pride, just historical fact.

I‘m not one to look down on others. If you have a reasoned opinion, then I respect that. I also have an inferiority complex – everyone is better than me. The thing is that respect works in two directions – or at least it should.

I have years of experience in MMOs. But don’t ask me about PvP! I socialise in MMOs, but don’t ask me for advice on group content or raids. I’ve only raided in FFXIV, and that was usually for the story or until I got an outfit piece I wanted. My experience doesn’t make me superior to a newbie. It makes me more useful to a newbie. Even if that “use” is to refer them to someplace better for their advice!

I suspect those that use the term “MMO Dads” forget that some players (not me) have been around since LOTRO was in beta. That’s 17-18 years ago! Change is not new to those kind of players. They’ve seen the world evolve (offline and online), their races and classes reworked, new areas added, players come and go, benefits they used to pay for become free.

Some of those may be parents now. Some of them may not be.

But they have a right to voice their opposition to change (respectfully), just as you have a right to voice your support of it (respectfully).

I’ve Kept Playing LOTRO Despite Changes

I’ve gone through at least three or four avatar updates. Here’s my main character when I first created her versus today. I kept her in the same outfit to make the comparison easier. While combat changes are unnerving, avatar updates can detach my connection to my characters because I “head canon” or “internally role-play”. I haven’t found all changes easy to adjust to.

Everyone deals with change differently.

Many factors can make someone open or closed to change in general. When change affects something we hold valuable in our life, then an initial push-back is only natural. The “open to change” folks of today, may well become the “change sucks” crowd tomorrow.

Sometimes the way a person is wired makes them apprehensive of change, either genetically or due to a condition or illness. My neurodivergent daughter nearly broke down after school yesterday because the teachers had rearranged the classroom and she didn’t know where anything was. I struggle when I need to visit people out of my local area, because it involves a break in my routine.

Your Reaction to Change Is Normal (whichever it is!)

It is normal for some people to struggle with change. It is also normal for people not to. The first group need not yell at the first for not caring enough, and the second group should not be critical of the first for not immediately embracing change. Give each other space.

Why You Might Resist Change

PsychologyToday gives four key reasons people resist change. They apply to gaming too:

1. Avoiding Uncertainty:
   We prefer to know what is happening. When change is coming, or arriving, we have a new uncertainty to deal with.
2. You Don’t Want to Feel Incompetant:
   “You’re ruining my class I’ve played since beta” is another way of saying “I am no longer able to play this as well as before”. Change might mean relearning a class from scratch again, or adjusting your rotation etc.
3. You don’t feel like others are controlling you:
   Despite the fact that LOTRO is created by Standing Stone Games, some players may feel it is “their” game, “their” class, “their” raid/instance. When we’re reminded that SSG can make whatever choices fit with their business model, we feel we are being controlled. Don’t forget SSG is ultimately “controlled” by shareholders at some level or other. That’s business.
4. Change is Uncomfortable and Takes Effort:
   This is linked to point two: I will have to look at my Lore-master soon. I haven’t done that since the class changes, because it’s going to take time and effort to relearn it. Gamers sometimes seem to want “spoon feeding” – “give me the game on my terms”, rather than the one actually on offer.