Fibromyalgia Poem: Where My Dreams Went to Die

As many of you are aware, things have been really tough recently. It’s like almost all the major life events that are applicable to my circumstances have happened. Apart from moving house, but even that’s on the cards now. This led to my last post about it’s okay to not be okay. A lot of that post talked practicalities and where my pain levels are at. What is harder is describing how my depression is playing out. To that end, I came up with a Fibromyalgia poem.

Hopefully, yous can read it and get an insight into the state of my mental health. I’m not asking for attention, I’m not that kind of person. But it may help understanding.

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Where My Dreams Went to Die
a fibromyalgia poem, by FibroJedi

Fibromyalgia is an evil crook, a villain and a thief,
A world of pain, fatigue and fog, it gives nothing but grief.
So I scrawled these words to say, through hidden inner tears,
Why I cannot plan for life as is normal for my peers.
I’ll never have your luck in life, though I do my best, I try
Fibromyalgia is where my dreams went to die.

A stable job I wanted, to provide for my family.
Chronic pain just laughed, “you’ll do nothing easily”.
Brain fog my enemy, I’d never be up to scratch.
Accounts work is stable but I had met my match.
I’ll never have a well-paid job, I do my best, I try
Fibromyalgia is where my dreams went to die.

I hoped to own a house, earn, help those in need and more,
But every time I tried to win, something closed the door.
A stable home, a basic wage, to support my love and mate,
Fatigue and fog humiliated, it’s me that’s on the State.
I’ll never have that kind of life, I do my best, I try
Fibromyalgia is where my dreams went to die.

I dreamed of success in business, doing good, making gold
I didn’t need much, I don’t want to be rich, truth be told
Though the thing grew and new jobs were clearly made
Stress and pain meant others gained, I wasn’t always paid
I’ll never do well in business, I did my best, I tried
Fibromyalgia is where that dream went and died.

We became parents, that was something very new
I thought I could do the stuff with kids all other dads do.
But playing on the floor hurts, running around truly shatters.
Seriously, even this? Compared to other tasks, nothing else matters.
I’ll never be that kind of dad, I do my best, I try
Fibromyalgia is where my dreams went to die.

I figured I could stream some games, where I could just be me
Forgot how draining talking is for just an hour or three.
More and more I cancelled, shows my friends supported,
‘Til I finally gave it up, another loss I recorded, reported.
I’ll never succeed in that, I do my best, I try,
Fibromyalgia is where my dreams went to die.

I’m not saying life’s all bad, it’s just I’ve lost all hope
In future plans, bright ideas, with more failure I can’t cope.
So I write and draw and game and clean, not thinking ’bout the future
I do some things well, that’s about it, as I type on my computer.
I’ll never achieve something great, though I do my best, I try
Fibromyalgia is where my dreams went to die.

I love my little daughter and have always loved my wife,
To them I owe it all, maybe even my own life.
That’s everything important, I know, but beyond that I can’t strive
Each day’s a bloody battle, a bitter battle to survive.
There’s no point in hopeful reverie, though I do my best, I try.
Fibromyalgia is where my dreams went to die.

© 2020 FibroJedi

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#SorryNotSorry

I know this fibromyalgia poem wasn’t exactly uplifting. But it is where I am at mentally at the moment. So I’m just being honest and upfront with everyone. However you support or encourage me, thank you.