Fibro Jedi Younglings – Becoming a Fibromyalgia Father

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Fibro Jedi Younglings - Becoming a Fibromyalgia FatherAs a lot of my friends on Twitter have been expressing love, concern and care over my health and over that of my wife, I thought it best to let you all know what the heck has been going on with us both and why it’s both awesome and massively challenging at the same time.

Becoming a Father

Yes, after over 9 years of marriage and having concluded family was never going to happen for us, we are actually 3 months into expecting a child. There should never be any ‘surprise’ children and given how long it’s taken us to get one, this is probably our one shot. So it is most definitely a gifts – and one we are massively grateful for.

However it has been a really rough ride, especially in the last 6 weeks. My wife has suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a condition which causes women to be sick and feel nauseated over and above the ‘normal’ acceptable amounts. In its extreme some mothers-to-be can be hospitalised with it. It can lead to dehydration which can be a major issue for both mother and child. Thankfully so far, we have managed to prevent this, but it has been a challenge.

Worsening Fibromyalgia

We felt something we'd lost for a long time. Hope. (Satele Shan)
“We felt something we’d lost for a long time. Hope.” – Satele Shan
Because of this, I’ve had to try to do more around the house and in the office, at a time when my Fibromyalgia is really bad. My hand pain is awful (I’m writing this blog post to save me writing many tweets to you all!), the doctor has just prescribed me some replacement, stronger opiates and a ‘mood stabilizer’, because pain increases Depression which in turn increases pain (one of the wonderful cycles in my health). So I’ve had more to do, on less resources.

A Massive Thank You

Despite my semi-anonymous state here and on Twitter, I’m so grateful for the encouragement and support I’ve received from so many of you. You have shown me that, despite being in an ‘Age of Trolls’, social media can still bring out the best in people.

I hopefully will have a new Jedi Youngling by the end of October 2016, to train in the ways of Force Balancing, something I genuinely thought would not be open to me. It’s humbling and its challenging, especially with my pain levels being out of control.

But it does show that, sometimes, occasionally, light can burn through the darkness.


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18 thoughts on “Fibro Jedi Younglings – Becoming a Fibromyalgia Father

  1. ::HAPPYSQUEE:: OMG, you’re going to be a Daddy!!!! I am SO happy for both of you! Having a child is a life-changing experience, simply because you hold that tiny human you’ve brought into the world and you realize it’s not about you anymore. It’s about them, for them and you want to give them the world. My daughter will turn 15 the same month your little padawan is expected to arrive and what a ride it’s been to get this far! =)

    ::hugging both of you::

      1. Oh, be prepared for the other transformative experience, although you only have a 50/50 chance on this one. I was having an ultrasound and the tech asked us if we wanted to know the sex. When she told us our baby was a girl, my husband immediately realized the evil inherent in all males and vowed to protect his baby girl from them. =)

        1. Oh I’ve known for ages I would be a total protective Dad to any daughter I had. But I understand girls more than I’ve ever understood boys/males. I’m not a blokey-bloke at all, so I think I’d be a better Dad to a girl (but have to learn where the line between protectiveness and not preventing freedom lies!)

          1. Congratulations my friend. When you get to hold that little one, the world changes. It is an amazing moment.

  2. I am so, so very happy for you!

    I’m incredibly impressed with how you keep fighting and going. With this going on, it must be extremely taxing for both of you. But also so worth it. Sending positive vibes your way and wishing you all the best the coming time.

    Rav

  3. Huge congratulations to you both, news we’ve all been waiting to hear as we know how much you both want this. Hope your mrs is starting to feel a little better and your new meds begin to take effect. Take care of each other and that little bump!!! Love Eljay1980 xx

    1. Thanks so much for your wishes LJ. It’s been a long time coming and we had thought it would never happen. We’re only having the one, but we’ll be very grateful we actually have a chance at parenting 🙂

  4. Mickel Therapy is a treatment for Fibro that teaches you how to re-connect to your sense of self by taking actions in response to gut instinct emotions.
    The stuff you would learn could then be passed on to your child as s/he grows up in a world where we are accidentally taught not to listen to our gut instincts.We say things like “dont be soft””pull yourself together””stop crying,there’s nothing wrong with you” and so unconsciously we learn to put other people’s needs before our own.We find it hard to set boundaries and say “No” in different situations and our body’s get bored.
    Gut instinct emotions (including body boredom) are our guide in life to keep us safe both physically and emotionally and to motivate us to a life of fulfilment.The body sends symptoms of pain if we don’t respond to our emotions in order to get our attention,as a signal to take action or change something.
    Mickel Therapy would say its not a coincidence that the sensation of pain is sent to your hand…..how better to get your attention!
    Sounds like your really busy now but if you want to know more,I’m doing free sessions to promote M.E Awareness Week which is next week.
    Having a baby on the way and starting your lives together as a young family really struck a cord with me so forgive me if I come across as a bit over-the-top but I do mean well .My very best wishes to you, Jane

    1. I’ve approved this in case it helps someone. I removed your mobile number just to protect you 🙂

      I’ve had Mickel Therapy consultations and didn’t work for me personally, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t help someone else. Thanks for dropping the info in.

  5. I can’t say I know what your going through, only years old but I have no rl friends whatsoever, cause I played games all my childhood. Well that and I have a hard time associating with peoples emotions and being sensitive with others without being taken advantage of. So a word to the wise, don’t let your kid end up like me, you’ll hate yourself for it. Heaven knows I do but that’s more than enough for the two of us.

    Well, wanted to wish you all the best for you and your family. And sorry about the advice, I know it’s not my place

    1. You have a right to express your own thought patterns and I don’t mind you giving your 2 cents. My wife wouldn’t let my child game and not have friends! My wife hates computer games so while I fully intend on exposing my offspring to star wars and gaming, my wife will expose her to tabletop games, outdoor activities and socialising. So between us we should be able to create a balanced outcome, hopefully!

      Not that it’s encouragement, but I didn’t make friends easily. I played web games, had a Nintendo as a child, but my parents forced me out to youth clubs etc. I still made very few friends. If I had a ‘best friend’ it came from going to university. And you can make friends via gaming, it’s just hard to do so as you either can’t meet them, or it can get creepy trying to meet them, especially when you’re younger. Don’t kick yourself while you’re down though, and treasure whatever friends you can make, regardless of where you find them.

  6. Just stumbled across your page. I had Lyme for many years and there’s a lot of similarities with fibro. I still have some of those pains, I just have a “scary high pain tolerance” to quote the ob/gyn who delivered my son. 🙂 Anyway, it’s hard when chronically ill, but it’s an awesome ride. My 4yo loves watching us play SWTOR. 🙂

    1. Hi Joanna,

      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and for sharing a little bit of your experience. I’m looking forward to the journey and hoping I can introduce our new child to gaming and Star Wars. My wife can work on outdoors-y stuff 😉

  7. Hi dear,
    Congratulations,expecting a child is a miracle and am glad she is due in October that’s my birthday month.After waiting for many years you and your wife certainly deserve this precious gift,you gonna make an amazing father.I love being a mother to my 6 yr old son…the best gift I have received was having him.I wish you nothing but the best to enjoy this new journey.

    *Big hug*

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m looking forward to our daughter joining us in the world, even though I know the event will have knock-on health implications. 3 months to go! 😀

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